The Letters

It took me a while to figure out how I would write this post about the letters exchange I had with my birth mother before we meet. Making a full transcript slowly became obvious. I wrote my letter end of October 2008, the same day I received the call that changed my life. She replied to me a few weeks later. 

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My letter.

“I wondered for a long time when I was going to write this letter. I often thought that would never happen, until the day when I took my phone and called Les Nids De Paris. I knew for a long time that this was the organisation that took care of me in 1981. But never until this day of last September did I dare to contact them. I beat around the bush for a long time, often discouraged by the difficult journey of other adoptees who could not access their origins.

And finally, for me it was easy. Almost too much! In two phone calls I became aware of your existence and that you left a trace in case I decided to look for you. This was strange, because I often thought of you, wondering if it was reciprocal. I imagine you wondered the same thing. And today we both know that it was the case.

You gave me life. I take it as a gift; the most beautiful gift. For that I am eternally grateful to you. Also, I do not live my birthday as an abandonment. More than a gift, I see it as a chance. And this chance is you who gave it to me. My gratitude is just as eternal.

I want you to know that my parents are exceptional people. They are loving beings who gave me so much. I grew up with an older sister and a younger brother, both adopted too. Adoption has never been a taboo subject at home. On the contrary, it is one of the pillars of our family. My parents raised me well, loved me, educated me and always supported me whatever my life choices were. Today they know that I decided to search for my origins. They are proud and happy for me. Moreover, the first thing they said to me is to express to you all their respect and unwavering gratefulness. They have always considered that you have entrusted them with your child. Nature was not lenient with them because they could never become parents on their own. You were the one who gave them what nature refused them (with the birth mothers of my brother and sister).

I do not know the reason why on February 13, 1981 you gave birth to me and decided not to keep me. I’ll know it soon when we meet. Know that I will not judge you. What you did, I see it as a gesture of love. I can hardly imagine the heartbreak that it must have been for you. Obviously I can’t remember those first moments of my life. Only you can tell me what happened. I’m counting on you to tell me everything. Know that I have many questions to ask you and I want to take the time to listen to the answers you have to give me when we meet. For me, meeting you means knowing my origins, knowing who I was born from, why I was born and who do I look like. These are the nagging questions for the past 27 years and I need answers. I also know that you have been waiting for so long to hear from me. Maybe we don’t look at this situation the same way? My expectations are mostly about the past, about my story. I’m not planning on the future yet. I hope you will understand and respect my point of view.

Anyway, we will have the opportunity to discuss face to face, I really wish it. What is certain is that it belongs only to both of us.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Thomas”

Her letter.

“Dear Thomas,

It’s an ineffable happiness … finally, this long-awaited fabulous day has arrived. I have a letter written with your own hand. Thank you, and thank you to your parents for their support in finding your origins and for the love they give you every single day.

Your letter is for me a wonderful gift for the end of 2008, and even more than that, because finally the 13th of February will no longer be a pain for me anymore as for the past 27 years. The more I read your letter, the more I am convinced that life is made of surprises as well as unknown feelings. When my daughter received your mail, I was at work and she was eager to bring it to me. at that moment, an unspeakable joy took hold of me, between dream and reality.

I am ready to answer all your questions and to tell you our story in the hope of allowing us to fill together the void that has settled in us; so that we can consider a future without questioning. I hope that my letter will make you happy while waiting for the big day of our meeting that I wish very close. As much as me, my two children can’t wait to meet you. I have a 20 year old daughter and a 15 year old son.

Allow me to wish you happy holidays, as well as your parents, your sister and your brother, even if in the depths of my heart I would like to wish it to you in person.

Nassima”

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